Dear Blog Readers

Dear Blog Readers,
The last few days I have been without internet access. I am still disconnected from the virtual world and have asked my fabulous, smart, funny, good-looking, and humble husband who is still in Washington D.C. to update you on my misfortunate situation. I hope to be back online in the next couple of days once my neighbor restores their wireless connection.

Sincerely,
Shelley's Ghost Writer

Dear Neighbors

Dear Neighbors,

Just wondering if any of you have a son who would like to play with my six year old. Preferably it needs to be someone who is quite fanatic about sports. My son has worn out all of his cousins already. He would love for a boy (or girl) to come over and shoot hockey pucks at him while he is goalie. Don't be alarmed when he asks you to hit it at his face. He really wants you to. If your child is interested I will shower them with an endless supply of popsicles and gratitude.

Sincerely, Shelley

Dear Runners

Dear Runners,

So, I have been hitting the river trail pretty regularly for the last few weeks. I have never been fond of running, but I see how much others enjoy it and I want to feel likewise. How do you obtain the "runner's high"? I think it is a myth. I never feel "high" while running. Maybe I am doing something wrong. If you pass me on the trail (which most of you do pass me) feel free to advise.

Sincerely, Shelley

Dear Youngest Son

Dear Youngest Son,

No, we can't rent a Volkswagen Beetle for the rest of the summer. I know you think it would be great fun to "slug" everyone who got into our "slug bug". Unfortunately, you already do enough slugging with your brother in the back of grandma's car.

Sincerely, Mom

Dear Sons

Dear Sons,

I am glad you are both so interested in following the news this weekend. It is always good to be aware of current events in the community. Yes, the local fire is a big one. No, it is not near our home even though you can smell and see smoke. No, we can't visit the evacuation sites you have seen on the news. Yes, it does look like the kids there are having fun. Yes, they were passing out junk food to those children. They had to leave their homes and toys to be evacuated, I do not share your opinion that "those kids are so lucky".

Sincerely, Mom

Dear Mother-in-law and Sister-in-laws,

Dear Mother-in-law and Sister-in-laws,

Wow, thanks for a wonderful retreat this weekend. My daughter and I had a fabulous time with all of you. Shopping, eating, pedicures, touring the city, museums, IKEA, it was fantastic. FYI, when you see my sons they may have the impression that we all went to "a church thing". I would greatly appreciate it if they were not corrected in their misunderstanding. Thanks!

Sincerely, Shelley

Dear Brother-in-Law

Dear Brother-in-Law,

Just a note to say thanks for taking my youngest son with you to the ice skating rink the last two weekends. He was so excited to get to practice hockey with his uncle "who is a Pro". You really have "rock star status" with your young nephew currently. Between you "the hockey pro" and my brother "the golf pro", my son has some new heroes. Enjoy it while it lasts, his dad comes into town in a few weeks, and he says his dad is "a pro at everything!"

Sincerely, Shelley

Dear Youngest Son

Dear Youngest Son, 

When I told you it would be ok for you to sleep with me tonight, since dad is not here, I meant only you. Your ten stuffed animals are not allowed to have a "sleepover" in my bed. I am sorry I have offended them and they feel bad. They will just have to deal with it, or you can keep them company in your bed. I promise that sleepovers with mommies are highly overrated.

Sincerely, Mom

Dear Younger Sister

Dear Younger Sister,

Well, we have always loved a little healthy competition, but today is a day that neither of us was victorious. It looks like we both lost the contest to have our new niece named after us. It appears my balloons, and your flowers, were not enough bribery to convince our youngest sister to give us a namesake. She should not have teased us with the possibility of our niece taking on one of our middle names.  I thought we had the perfect solution, she could just combine our names. Oh well, I guess we may have to follow the example of your three year old and call the baby whatever we please.

Sincerely, Shelley (aka favorite auntie)

Dear Sister

Dear Sister,

Congratulations! Today was so amazing. Thanks for letting me be there when your precious baby girl was born. Words can't express how incredible it was. You did so well, and she is a perfect angel. I know my new niece will always hold a special place in my heart. Congrats again, I love you!

Love, Shelley 

Dear Neighbor

Dear Neighbor,

Hi, I don't think we have ever met, I only stay in my house about one month of the year. I know it is strange, my husband and I leave this nice peaceful neighborhood to take our three children to live in countries in the Middle East.  That's just how we roll. 

Just wanted to thank you for leaving your Wi-fi Internet connection open, and without a password. It has been really nice to have Internet at the house this summer. I am not sure who you are, but you have probably seen me through my windows doing what I have named the "Wi-fi dance". I have to flit around the house holding my I-Pad in different positions in order to hold a signal for a few seconds. Yes, I know, I look very silly. But at least I have been able to keep up with my blog, which is very important to all five of my readers. Thanks again! 

Sincerely, Shelley 

Dear Hubby

Dear Hubby,

Happy Father's Day! We feel bad leaving you alone on Father's Day. Our son reminded me that we are finally giving you the one present you request on every holiday, "peace and quiet"! We hope your day was peaceful and quiet, and we hope you found the presents in the pantry that almost got packed by the movers last week! Thanks for being a great father, our kids are very blessed to have you. 

We Miss You!

Love, Shelley

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

Happy Father's Day! I look forward to celebrating together this week. I hope you enjoyed the book my son picked out for you. We thought you would get a kick out of seeing inventions that never quite took off. There are a few really good ideas in that book, like the peanut butter jar that opens on both ends. Ingenious! Likewise, I would buy the car shoulder dividers so my kids could not see each other as we drove places.

Thanks for being such a great father. In your honor I read from Bill Cosby's book, Fatherhood, today. I laughed as I remembered that you also served us chocolate cake for breakfast on several occasions! 

Thanks for the daily reminders that the only way to survive this crazy ride of parenthood is with a sense of humor. For instance, when I was one year old you really wanted a little boy to take to the Father-and-Son campout. So you just dressed me in some overalls, changed my name to Sheldon, and off we went. According to mom, you did not change my diaper once the whole weekend! But, I did have my first moment of fame. My picture made the Orange County paper for being the youngest BOY at the campout. Good times. 

Thanks for always keeping me laughing, mostly at myself. 

Love, Shelley (aka Sheldon)

Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter,

It is great to have you back. So glad you enjoyed your week at camp. It is good you had your kind aunt at camp with you when you had your moments of "mamitis". Sorry I made you go to a family party tonight still in your dirty camp clothes, and without a nap to recuperate. You are lucky your grandparents took better care of you than your mother. You had a nice long siesta on their bed throughout most of the their party. At least you joined us at the end.

Now, we have a serious problem on our hands. We do not have a washer and dryer to take care of the contents of your suitcase, which I bravely just opened. I am going to leave your camp remnants on the front porch to air out. Who knows, maybe a "laundry fairy" will pay us a visit. If not, which of your aunts and uncles should we pay a visit to tomorrow?

Sincerely, Mom

Dear Nieces and Nephew

Dear Nieces and Nephew,

It has sure been fun having you stay with me the last few days. I am glad I got to babysit you all while your mom is away at Girl's Camp. I have a modest request. Next time we are in the car can I please choose the music we listen to? I don't think I can stand another minute of the Chipmunks or Celine Dion. No offense, but your taste in music is driving me a little nuts. How about we compromise and listen to GLEE? Or, better yet, let's just stick to the pool and avoid the car in the future. I really don't want anything to happen to your mom's new car. Although, I can blame any accident on the tortuous tunes!

Sincerely, Aunt Shelley 

Dear Husband

Dear Husband,

Well, I have realized a few things this week about owning a summer home.  I have learned that a summer home has to be "winterized" before it is left for nine months. I have learned that it is not fun to clean mold out of a fridge, freezer, and dishwasher. I have also learned that toilets need to be flushed every few months so that the water doesn't evaporate and leave a nasty mess. Lastly, I have learned that a closed-up house can still acquire quite a bit of dust. 

Don't worry, by the time you arrive the house should be as clean as new. In the meantime I will be looking on Amazon for the book "The Idiot's Guide to Winterizing a House". Live and learn, right?!?

Sincerely, Shelley

Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter,

I miss you already. Your brothers are driving me crazy. I hope you have a great week at Girl's Camp. I can't believe you are old enough to go to camp. Well, technically you are not old enough to go. You are lucky to have a very nice aunt who happens to be in charge of camp this year. Good thing she did not mind overlooking you being a month shy of the deadline. I remember going to camp and learning how to apply makeup and do cool hairstyles. Yeah, you are in for more than just hikes! Have a fabulous time and don't eat too much candy!

Sincerely, Mom

Dear Sister

Dear Sister,

I am so glad I get to be in town for the birth of your second child! How exciting! I am especially excited since you are having a girl. It is good you like the "girly" clothes and hair accessories, my daughter and I can't wait to adorn your baby in cuteness. Will you please reconsider letting me be there when she is born? I promise I will stay out of the way and be nothing but supportive. I can rub your shoulders and give lots of encouragement. I know you are concerned with it being too gross for anyone to witness, but let me remind you that I use to change your diapers. I've already seen it all. Either way, I can't wait to hold that sweet princess!

Sincerely, Shelley

Dear Youngest Son

Dear Youngest Son,

I know you are very concerned for your precious toys and hockey sticks since the movers took them. No, they are not on the cargo ship yet. They are probably still in the warehouse. No, the warehouse does not have "armed guards", but I am sure they lock their doors. No, the captain of the cargo ship will not personally watch your things. Yes, he does have to sleep at night and take lunch breaks. He has a co-captain that will relieve him of his duties, so you do not need to be fretting that the ship is going to sink.

I am sorry I passed on to you the "worry gene" that I received from my mother. I am likewise concerned about the whereabouts of my precious paper cutter and laminator. Don't worry little buddy, dad says we will be reunited with our things real soon.

Sincerely, Mom

Dear Husband

Dear Husband,

Well, if you are reading this the kids and I made it to Utah for summer vacation. I feel bad we left you in a pretty empty house for the next month. Actually, since I have the three kids with me I think a big empty house sounds more like a vacation then what I am beginning. Hope you enjoy the quiet. I told the neighbor kids to come visit you once in awhile so you don't get too lonely. I am sure you will miss us and the chaos!

Sincerely, Shelley