Dear Children

Dear Children, 

Saturday chores did not go as well as I had hoped this morning. I feel they were a little counterproductive. One of my favorite sayings in Spanish is "negocio redondo" meaning a circular negotiation that has no end. That is how I felt this morning. You all were working so hard, but we weren't accomplishing much! Next Saturday let's be sure we close the vacuum insert so that the dust isn't just being moved around the rooms. And I will be sure you have window cleaner, not bleach bathroom cleaner, before I sent you off to do the windows and mirrors.  I will give you the benefit of the doubt that your acts were not intentional, this time.

Sincerely, Mom (aka your Saturday morning boot-camp sergeant)

Dear New Friend,

Dear New Friend,

Thanks again for inviting me to your house for lunch today. I really enjoyed meeting your Middle Eastern mother-in-law. Please thank her again for the mini-cooking lesson. Her lentil soup and fattoush salad were so yummy. I was so excited to have her recipes that I already went to the grocery store and bought all the ingredients. Tonight my kids watched the Muppets movie while I spent the evening chopping away. I must say, your mother-in-law made it look a lot easier than it is! Tell her I appreciated her letting me practice my Arabic with her. I was so happy she only looked at me funny twice as I attempted to speak Arabic. That is improvement!

Sincerely, Shelley

Dear Cub Scouts

Dear Cub Scouts,

So glad you all had fun at scouts the other day. I am happy you liked my game, and I am pleased I found a good use for my family's mismatched odd socks. I didn't know it would be so much fun to play dodge ball with old socks filled with baking flour! I liked that it was easy to tell when you had been hit, there was no missing those white powder marks on your scout uniforms. Tell your moms I am sorry you got so covered in flour. Don't worry about the black suburban parked nearby. I went and cleaned off all our sock marks after you left. It did look as if the vehicle had been in a "drug bust gone wrong".

Sincerely, Shelley (your Cub Scout leader for seven more weeks, not that I am counting)

Dear Neighbors

Dear Neighbors, 

Thanks for taking me to lunch today. It was a very revealing afternoon. All year I have thought our neighborhood looks like Wisteria Lane, and now I find out it is Wisteria Lane! Wow, the stories you told. I had no idea. Scandals, embezzlement, arrests, affairs, and a redhead in a red convertible Ferrari. My two hours with you were better than T.V. We must seem really boring compared to some of the previous neighbors you have had. Maybe when we move out things will get spicy again. Keep in touch if they do!

Sincerely, Shelley

Dear Oreo

Dear Oreo ( a.k.a. Youngest Son),

I think your self-proclaimed nickname is growing on me. Dad is right, you are hard on the outside, but a softy in the middle. I thought it was so sweet today that the little girl next door invited you on a walk with her dogs. She knows how much you like dogs. I should tell her the true way to win you over is dogs and food! I am glad you liked walking her dogs. I am sorry you thought the neighbor girl talked too much. I don't know how you can "turn off your ears" the next time she comes calling. You will have to endure a little chit-chat to be with her great dogs.

Sincerely, Mom

Dear Continental

Dear Continental, 

I have never been put on hold for 45 minutes before. Wow, your merger must not be going as well as you had hoped. I was shocked that when you finally did answer my call I was put on hold for another 20 minutes while you made a simple change. I wish I could put my kids on hold for that long. They were also not happy that I was occupied with a phone call for so long. Good luck getting things more in order. I hope my upcoming flight with you goes better than my current expectations.

Sincerely, Shelley

Dear Children

Dear Children,

I am so glad you liked the piña colada smoothies I made tonight. They were yummy, huh? You probably don't know that I was famous for my piña coladas in college. I'm sorry there wasn't enough for you all to have seconds. I can make them again soon. I am feeling guilty about one little thing. Remember how I said the smoothies were green because they had kiwi in them. Well, they were actually green due to a few handfuls of spinach. Now, before you get too upset, remember how much you liked the yummy green smoothies. Just because I snuck a little healthy green in should not change your opinion. If I call them lucky green leprechaun leaves can we still add them to future smoothies?

Sincerely, Mom